Saturday, June 22, 2013


Home is So Sad
by Philip Larkin

Home is so sad. It stays as it was left,
Shaped to the comfort of the last to go
As if to win them back. Instead, bereft
Of anyone to please, it withers so,
Having no heart to put aside the theft

And turn again to what it started as,
A joyous shot at how things ought to be,
Long fallen wide. You can see how it was: 
Look at the pictures and the cutlery.
The music in the piano stool. That vase.

Brian Doyle started one of his stories by saying: Here's a story I never told before, but it's been haunting me, so I think I have to tell it, because I'm pretty sure no one else will, and if a story doesn't get told, isn't that a door that never gets a chance to open, and isn't that a shame and a sin?

Here is a small one of mine that I suppose needs to be put in words. It's super sappy, and so I am super sorry for that. You've been forewarned. 

Most people who know me know that I moved around quite a bit after my parents got divorced. The custody switched or the rent wasn't paid or there was a better place with which to bribe us kids. With each move I was made aware of my attachment to things, and each move decreased that attachment. Things just get lost during moves. And once moving became something expected I stopped taking things, except the necessities, out of the boxes all together. Really, it just made me a very efficient mover. I came to college with all of my belongings. I left nothing at home. By that time, after moving eight times, I had a box of books, a box of papers and "memories", and my clothes. 

I didn't really cry over moving. I was too exhausted to. That is until I was putting the dishes away after move number four. I just wanted the boxes in the kitchen out of the way. Mom was working and the other kids were asleep, so I had time. I started filling the silverware drawer. White plastic knives, Red handled spoons from Target, random chopsticks, Clear plastic forks, most of the metal set that my mom got in the previous move, and the large serving spoons from the set purchased in the move before that one. By the time I emptied the box there were two forks from the original silverware set that my family had used before the split. Two.

It shouldn't have been such a big deal to me. Cutlery is made up of a lot of pieces, and they aren't that big, so it makes sense that if we could loose random chairs we would lose some silverware. I can't believe I am confessing that cutlery made me cry. But it did. I ended up opening and turning over every box labeled "kitchen", looking for the rest of the silver with the shell design on the handles while I was basically having a meltdown. I found all the big serving spoons, most of the forks, and butter knives. I only found three of the spoons. 

I sat on linoleum for four hours in the middle of the night among cutting boards, drinking glasses, pots, pans, jars, ripped boxes, and tape. 
Because of missing spoons. 

It was a mess. It was all always a mess. The silverware drawer had plastic knives and forks from all the times we couldn't even find the right kitchen box. The Target spoons from the second move when we ate way too much cereal and plastic spoons constantly breaking became impractical. I realized that even then I always favored using the shell handled spoons because I was used to the way they fit in my mouth. 

When we moved in with my Dad I discovered where the spoons had gone. Much of my life was in pieces and it hurt me to see the silverware set separated. I hated hunting through the drawers not knowing what I would find.

I hated moving because it meant I would not be used to where the silverware drawer was. When you go to a friends house for dinner you have to ask where the forks are. In the places I lived I felt like I was constantly asking myself where we kept the forks. 

You know when you leave your bedroom to get something from the pantry and you end up going straight to the silverware drawer and then realizing you had come down for something else? It happens out of habit. That didn't happen to me anymore. I still miss that very much.
I couldn't tell guests where they could find the spoons without being embarrassed that I had to pause to remember where they were in whatever house I was in. 

I will consider myself at home when I accidentally wander to the cutlery drawer when I meant to get myself a pen. When I put away the clean dishes and all my spoons match. When I don't have to count them to know how many there are. 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


At the moment I would love many pitchers of Diet Coke. Alas.

This is DC yo.
WW II memorial.
Washington Monument

Washington Emy

DC duckies

Vietnam Veterans Memorial
Kinda sad that the pool was being worked on while I was there.
Lincoln Memorial
Abe stepping on my head.

Korean War Memorial

I feel a tiny bit ashamed that I got a Kpop song stuck in my head when I came here.

I'm sorry DC, for being spazzy.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Independence Hall. They were working on some stuff as you can see.

We didn't want to stand in the crazy long line. I have faith that it is really there.
Bridges in Phill eh. 
DC temple

4th of July makes us weird and blurry. 

Natty and Jonny got married. I guess they are pretty cool.

Brenty and I decided to get married too.

Fave. Cuz of the cuteness. 

I think that maybe wind confuses us. 

Being asian.


My cousin Grace and me picnicking before the concert.

Decemberists at the Twilight concert series.

Grace and me.  
At Ikea 

Stayed a weekend on "The Encore" with my Gramps and cousin.  
Jaelene and me. One of the San Juan Islands that we stopped at.

Uncles and Aunt playn pool. That game got freakn crazy.

I got to be with my mom again. 

Fam fam 
I got a whole lotta cousins. 

And we are all cool. 

Left: Pha La, my mom's older sister. Right: my momma
I am very blessed to have good friends and so much family. And blessed to travel to spend time with them all. 

Thursday, August 4, 2011

OH YA AND.........


Bangkok, Thailand

Report to MTC November 2nd

Yes, I'm freaking out in every way possible. I love it.

serious need of an update

Let's do this List Style:

Going to DC/ Virginia - Seeing two shows, seeing the monuments, Andrea's house, Fourth of July and fireworks. The Hepfinger family is lovely.

Natalie's marriage to Jonny Pants (if I can even say that)- I love them both so much, good thing they are wed.

Harry Potter!!!! - At 3 AM, dressing up. Wands. Super awesome.

Whitman Family reunion in Park City- bananagrams, puzzles, so much food, alpine slide and getting hailed on on the lift, cousins, baptisms at Salt Lake temple.

PJ starting BYUH- that fool be goin to college.

The Twilight Concert Series- Seeing the Decemberists was life fulfilling. Truly.

My 23rd Birthday- I'm 23. 

Going to the temple- The church is true and I love it. Eliza is a wonderful friend and mother, I was so glad to have her with me that day. I'm also glad that Natalie was there with me as well. 

Moving out of Provo- finally I am officially not a Provo resident. It only took me five years. I already miss living with Andrea. 

Washington State- seeing my Grandparents Guildner and eating cookies. 

Friday, June 17, 2011

The Talley's Where Here

Erin, Steven, and Ivy Rae Talley came to Utah a few weeks ago, and I couldn't be more happy.

Shout out to the Talley family: I love you!