So this is the New Year

I always have absurdly long lists for New Years. It's ok, I promise.

Get a job
GRE prep
Publish a critical essay in an academic journal
Publish a short story, any-freakin-where
Temple once a week
Gym five times a week
Do laundry before it becomes an emergency
Don't miss a day scripture reading
A book a week, at least, from my list (which I'll post soon I'm sure)
Save enough money to visit my family
Visit Erin, Steven, and baby Ivy Rae
Catch up on Gossip Girl, mhmm
Practice piano three times a week
Play more tennis
Successfully knit gloves and hats
Take better control of my dating life
Don't forget to take vitamins
Fix sleep patterns: be more like a person, less like a bat with a hangover
Be more active in my ward, yes socially
Stop saying, so often: totes, frills, whatevs, and bad curse words
Organize all my old school stuff
Get into Grad school

As I'm looking back at my list, I already know which ones are going to fall by the wayside. Whatevs.

This past year consisted of
A Winter semester that failed epically academically.
A Spring of hiking, reading, forts, long talks, and more laughing and fun than ever that built friendships that I am grateful for.
A Summer in Hawaii with my family, getting the best gift I've ever known: becoming friends with my siblings.
A Fall semester overloaded with library time, literary theory, and boys.

Outwardly, my only achievement of the entire year has been graduating. On paper, it seems like I could have done a lot more with a year of my life.

This last year has been one of a lot of internal change, more than I've ever had really. Most people on the outside will look on my year and find it to be fairly average. It certainly was not. I have never been more proud of myself than now with the changes I made within myself than this year. A lot that I did in the first half of the year seems so far away because I feel like such a different person from then. One of the biggest steps I took was to go to counseling, and I am very very grateful for that. It was a BFD for me, truly.

I let go of a lot of pain I have been carrying for many, too many, years.
I moved on from relationships that hurt me terribly.
I forgave more than I knew I could.
I learned how to be more open to the people that I love and who love me.
I am stronger through knowing that I don't need to fix everything.
I love more, and better.